Many have told me of the angst and misery they go through to 'network' - that horrible feeling when you first enter a room full of people you don't know and the gut-renching first hello really is an ordeal of the highest degree.  They also tell me how much time it wastes when they could be concentrating on their career and business. So is networking a myth or a must?

The tales of woe above are something that I work though all the time but choose to ignore. Why you say? I believe you can't expect to get ahead in your career or your business without people knowing who you are or what you do!  The myth is that if you do a fabulous job you will be noticed - or if you have a great business you will have lots of customers just because you do a good job...  People are not mind-readers and a personal connection is the only true way to guarantee your path to success.

I am what you might call a non-networker's networker.  I don't attend lots of large functions to hand out multiple business cards. I do however attend small intimate functions where I can get a chance for a one-on-one conversation. I don't email tons of people I don't know, but carefully select and nurture relationships. I work out what I can give them and not what they can give me. I feel uncomfortable asking people for help so therefore I only ask for help on behalf of others. By doing so though, I have always found that those I have helped have always done something that will make my journey easier or more fun or more fulfilling. I do this because I want to and not because I have to.

Empty networking is not my style but relationship-building is.  So I ask the question again - is networking a myth or a must?

Yesterday I met with a wonderful woman who was working on a women's mentoring program for her company. One of the things we talked about was the fact that so many women had so little confidence in themselves. When applying for jobs they feel that they must meet every criteria and are very critical of what they do. They also felt a distinct lack of ability compared to those around them. In other words, they have a collective crisis of confidence.

Confidence is a huge success factor and something that should be nurtured from a very young age. Many baby boomers especially see confidence in women as a masculine trait and one not to be encouraged. My mother-in-law used to talk about women's achievements being measured by how good we look and how feminine we act for our husbands rather than by how confident we are for ourselves. Surely we have gone past this now and can recognise and applaud how good we are.

Let's not be modest here. Women are now breadwinners, the main homemakers, mothers and often have a multitude of activities they must do everyday. Most men still don't take on the same responsibilities. If we are ever going to make headway in a male leadership environment we are going to have to realise that our abilities are just as good as those of the males around us and sometimes even better!

A few nights ago I had the wonderful pleasure of speaking to a group of women living in Kununurra, a small but vibrant town in North West WA. These women were from all walks of life, farming, tourism, mining, young mothers, civil servants and business owners. I was fascinated to listen to some of the issues they had to face living in a remote location.

The issue of indigenous people and how they are labelled and fit into our society was very much a topic close to their hearts. A young indigenous woman next to me commented on how she was unable to progress in the company for which she worked because the general attitude was that as a young, female, “black” person she could not possibly have the skills to manage a team.

I am always amazed in this day and age about how labelling still defines how people deal with us. Haven’t we gone past this? It was obvious from my conversation with this young woman that she was intelligent, articulate and had a lot to offer. How is it that some people can’t see past the exterior to the person within? Sure, there are a lot of problems with our indigenous population but surely harnessing this young woman’s energy to help solve the issues should be seen as a priority. Instead she was lumped in the same box with those who have the problems. And as an indigenous person, a woman and young single mother she also had more than one label.

Many of us deny we have a prejudice however in reality it is still there, alive and kicking. My observation is that each of us needs to work our where we fit in relation to those around us. Conversely we also need to understand how others fit in the same picture. To do that we seem to create boxes with labels and with those labels come the stereotypes. We qualify and judge according to our own set of circumstances and knowledge. It’s like putting on a pair of glasses with tint. Everything is coloured by what has come before. However that doesn’t make it right and certainly doesn’t make it a smart thing to do. What a shame for both the company and the young woman because both miss out on a potentially fabulous partnership.

Each of us has a unique story, skills and abilities. If you can draw that out of those around you the rewards are numerous. Don’t be influenced by common misconceptions and prejudices. You will gain more friends, have successful business and engage loyal employees by truly making an effort to listen and learn about the individual, not the label.

Women are suckers for guilt. We feel guilty about wanting to have children, not wanting to have children, hurting other peoples’ feelings, neglecting the house, the husband, the family and our friends. We make ourselves feel like we should be everything to everyone and then set out to make it happen and wonder why we feel resentful.

The same thing happens in our work environment. We want to do a great job, not rock the boat and be the best we can possibly be however many of us feel guilty about wanting something more. We doubt ourselves as we examine possible competitors for management positions and look at how others around us are doing. We are then not only wracked with guilt but our self-esteem has taken a battering.

Why should they pick me when Mary would do a much better job and besides that how would they manage without you. …..And before you know it we have talked ourselves out of going for the job at all. Meanwhile Bob has applied, completely oblivious to the fact that we have agonized at all! Competition is natural to men.

I have seen this happen so many times it is now not a joke. Roughly 12% of women today are in senior management  and it isn’t because women don’t want the positions -  one of the reasons is because they don’t know how to get there and still feel good about themselves.

I was taught as a child that if you worked hard and you persevered you could overcome all obstacles and climb the career ladder. But time and time again I have witnessed people coming through the ranks that do this and are seemingly not recognised for their efforts.

Example one – What not to do!

Jeannie has worked in her company for 10 years and has applied for a management position. She did not get it and was told that although a great company employee she did not have the skills to manage in the role.

Jeannie felt differently. She had actually led 5 projects and worked tirelessly everyday for many hours until everything was achieved. What had she done wrong?

· Jeannie is great worker but not a great manager. She only succeeded by doing most of the work herself. Was this good for her and the company? NO!

· Jeannie was working herself into the ground and others around her were not working efficiently. She therefore was feeling very dissatisfied and unrecognised.

· Those around Jeannie felt disempowered and therefore did not work to their own capacity. They were very dissatisfied with the company as a result.

· Jeannie had applied the work harder philosophy but had failed to see that if she had empowered the others she could have achieved much more with each project than by doing most of the work herself.

To overcome this Jeannie must learn not to want to control everything and everyone around her. By feeling that no one else can do the job as well as she can, Jeannie has managed herself into a corner. It doesn’t matter if the task is not done exactly as she would like, it matters that the team is given ownership of the outcomes. By doing this you end up with more than you would, if you did it yourself. Motivating a team is a large part of being a good leader and manager and managing by doing everything your-self is not managing at all!

Example Two – What to do!

I recently came across a young woman who had progressed quickly through the ranks and was put into a management position much to the chagrin of the people around her. There was nothing wrong with her but others felt she did not have the experience and time within the company to come to terms with such a senior appointment. Others were downright miffed that they had been passed over after having worked extremely hard to prove their capabilities. She also never worked overtime! What did this young woman do that got her this appointment?

1. She had done an analysis of the organisation and put together a business case for improving certain services. She then made an appointment and presented this case to her MD. All of this was achieved without any of her peers knowing of her involvement. After all she was just trying to achieve a more efficient system. However when the position of manager became vacant she was asked to apply and subsequently was appointed.

2. She solved a problem thereby creating value for the company and she made her boss look good.

3. She was spotted as someone who was proactive and capable of providing solutions in the company

4. She had also promoted herself in such a way that her bosses could not help but listen.

This is a perfect example of working smarter and not harder. What can you do to add value to your organisation?